Standing in my Truth

I had a beautiful conversation with my friend Martha this afternoon.  She shared a story with me about standing in her Truth, and I was again reminded of how this incredible act of self love brings support of Nature in powerful ways.  As the saying goes, outer is a reflection of inner, and my experiences have certainly shown me that when I show up for myself (really show up for myself) then the reflection is often times beyond my greatest expectations.  When I was reflecting on our conversation later, I was drawn to share this story that took place during my pregnancy.

I was in the hospital for the second time in a three day period as I followed direction from the prior visit's doc and our midwife (I was 32 weeks pregnant). When I think of it now, I see that there were a lot of elements set up that day to present a situation that would make it incredibly important to honor myself.  At that point Eric and I had already been interacting with the medical world for a few months regarding my pregnancy and had learned the importance of taking our time, and asking a lot of questions.  Even still, decisions were made that I did not feel particularly congruent with (well mostly just one, and the pressure was so intense to go the route we chose). 

In any case, that day we were in the labor and delivery area, and a new doc comes in (its her first day at this particular hospital) and it is clear that she is especially careful.  After being there for a couple hours, without more cervix dilation from our last visit and unremarkable monitoring we were thinking we would be sent home again.  And then I had this crazy contraction.  My stomach got so hard, the doc came over to feel my belly and thought that my baby was breech (For my friends who know what a hypochondriac I am I am sure you all will appreciate that I was convinced an air bubble got in my IV and I was having a heart attack! lol...Fortunately I did ask the nurse about this who assured me that was not the case ;)  Anyways, the doc was obviously freaked out and called the perinatologists who told her to put me on magnesium sulfate and get me on an ambulance to Albuquerque.

I instantly became super anxious.  I knew about magnesium from my sister's experience with her first pregnancy, and the thought of being on was extremely upsetting.  I talked to the nurse and doctor about this multiple times - the nurse was a lot more open in terms of hearing me out, but the doc was super attached to the agenda given her by the perinates.  And so the pressure was on once again.

I was so caught in this typical pattern of listening to/pleasing someone of authority.  A part of me was afraid of offending them or maybe making the wrong decision.  I was a hot mess.  The whole situation was scary, and what I wanted most was for my baby to be safe.  But I felt so deeply that it was not the right call.  In my mind I knew once that intervention started there was no way to know what was really going on with my body, and I intuitively felt that I did not need it.  After talking Eric and us really getting on the same page, I finally told them I was refusing the magnesium, and would prefer to be assessed once we arrived in Albuquerque. 

In spite of the obvious trepidation on the doctors part in that moment I literally felt like I had been freed in some deep way.  After the initial anxiety I felt as we embarked on our trip south, the most profound joy and bliss came over me.  The whole ride to Albuquerque I couldn't stop smiling.  It was incredible.  Then we got into the elevator at the hospital and after a brief exchange with two women, they asked if they could pray with me! They laid their hands on me and we all prayed (even other people in the elevator closed their eyes!) And they were bringing Jesus in yall!!!!! And I LOVE Jesus!!! :)  I just knew it was another way Nature was telling me "YES!"

And of course it was a "yes", in every way.  After three days of monitoring me there was much more clarity about my situation and that rest, hydration, and patience were going to be the remedies to get us to full term.

I am forever grateful that I chose to stand in my Truth that day, and of course to Eric for supporting me 100%.  I know that there are ways this happens in my life that are not quite so flashy, but this experience is forever a powerful reminder of the shifts that happen in the Universe when we stand in our Truth.  We might not always be able to name them, but I am sure the impact goes far beyond our individual experience. As I was saying to Martha tonight, sometimes "No" is the most loving action we can take, and in this case it was so clearly the most powerful love I could have possible offered myself.